I can’t keep up this lie anymore. It’s true. I’m secretly using cats I did not draw to offend people.
Zodiac Signs and the weapons they'd use for murder, and how they'd do it.
Aries: a knife, lots of stab wounds, especially ones in the face- most likely a rage kill. After they were done stabbing you, they'd start ripping you limb from limb, even if you were already dead.
Taurus: Their bare hands, and they'd strangle you to death. They'd stare into your eyes intensely as they suffocated you to death, maybe even adding in a few dramatic "I got you in the end, you know." phrases while doing it.
Gemini: It all depends on what is convenient for them to use as a murder weapon- they're clever, so they'd figure it out quickly. Most cannibals are Geminis, so they'd probably eat you afterwards. If you really fucked them over, maybe they'd cut off your hands and watch you bleed to death, probably laughing while doing it.
Cancer: They'd take you to the beach and find a secluded area only to tie you to a boulder in the shallows of the beach and watch the tide slowly drown you and sea creatures start to pick at your helpless/crying for help corpse.
Leo: They'd make a whole sport of it- they'd find a bunch of really sadistic, fucked up people on the black market and put you in a pit filled with big cats (especially lions), you'd here "let the games begin!" and a spotlight would come on the death pit as your torn to shreds.
Virgo: They'd make it look like an accident somehow. Regardless, no one would ever find out that they did it, because they'd cover their tracks well enough.
Libra: Similar to the virgo one, but they'd definitely pretend to be distraught by what happened, and mask that they were involved really well...but in order to get you back, they'd get your family, your friends, and other people you cared about to show THEM sympathy, and to be on their side.
Scorpio: Succinolcholine injection after chloroforming the person helpless. (sp? A horse tranquilizer that is extremely hard to detect and basically make the person POWERLESS to do ANYTHING except suffocate to death. It makes all muscles go soft.) and they'd talk to you about how powerless and helpless you were until you died.
Sagittarius: beating the shit out of someone until they were literally an unrecognizable bloody mass.
Capricorn: Shooting someone in the head, mafioso style. They'd want it to be quick and clean, and they'd have organized a team to cover for them, dump the body, and probably hired virgo to hide the evidence.
Aquarius: It'd either be something really strange, whacky, and off the wall, like killing someone in the middle of a play by planning to have a stage light dropped on them, or they'd make an example of you in front of a bunch of their "followers" which they'd most likely have if they were crazy enough to kill.
Pisces: They'd capture you and play surgeon, the whole time ranting and raving about "how it feels" to feel pain as intensely as the emotional pain that they feel. They'd make sure that the kill took a long time so that they had a captive audience for a long time- another reason they'd prolongue it is they'd enjoy being the predator instead of the victim for once.
Not gonna lie... watchi8ng someone bleed to death is an interest.
What the Fuck ever brownies
1 splash of baking powder
Enough flour to make as much cake as you want
Last of a tin of coco powder
Find some almonds? Yeah chop them up and throw them in
Some sugar, about half of the amount of flour.Mix it in a bowl.
Melt that bit of butter you have left in the fridge. Pour it in.
Add eggs. Drop one on the cooker. Desperately try to scoop it up. Egg on hands. Despair. Add like 3 eggs.
Find a can of condensed milk in the cupboard. Add it slowly, stirring until thick batter is made.
Chop up a bar of chocolate. Chuck it in.
Find some super old mini marshmellows. Eat one. Still good, add them in.
Put some grease proof paper in to a tray. Attempt to fold it neatly. Fail.
Throw batter in. Realise pan is too big, pick up paper and float brownie batter to smaller tray.
Smear batter as flat as possible. Batter way to thick but too late now.
Pour some more condensed milk on top to try to counter batter thickness.
Put it in oven, set to about 160 oC because your oven incenerates all in it’s path.
Cook some pork underneath it because brownies are not dinner. Consider the possibility of pork brownies.
When it smells good take it out the oven and poke it with a chop stick. Not done, put it back and force self to wait.Take out when done, attempt to eat lava brownie. Fail. Slink away with proper food and wait for them to cool.
Eat 3, declare success. Smear nutella on top because top is ugly.
Take picture, post recipe to internet. Act smug.
Eat brownies.
this is literally the best recipe i have ever read in my life
I am crying….
